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We do things differently

The longest we ever spent in one place, specifically one house was 7 years and we did that together. We have both been nomads of the world, moving from one place to the other according to what life threw at us. We came together out of chance in the same place accross time and space. It's like that book The Tunnel, when two people walk through their own tunnel of living until the tunnels cross and they are face to face and continue in one tunnel together.

I've always know that it was an invisible energy that held us together, even when it is weak, it's still there, thethering to every waking moment. I know the past years have been rough, they have been for me, I used to think; on your account. But who am I to say who hurts who the most. We've hurt each other since the beginning. Taking turns in a constant dance of passion.

What kind of love is this? I know I'm still here because I feel it's more important to hang on to that thread of invisible energy than to run away. I still hope that the universe will show me that I'm right. I know you feel the same way. We created a kind of energy that only resonates with us, just us. It's not the kind of vibration most people understand. When things are backwards it would seem clear what the solution is. This is not clear for us.

You used to say "just tell them I'm an asshole" when you wanted to skip any family event or gathering. I always made excuses for you; he´s busy, he´s tired, he´s got another commitment. After a few years I stopped lying and told whoever it was that had invited us both, that you just didn´t give a shit to go places with me. People started to accept it. Some of my friends have never even met you. Some members of my family only saw you at our wedding and never again. That didn't mean we didn't do things together just not normal family low key things, those made you uncomfortable.

I never liked talking bad about you, I still don't and never will. I have always defended you, but not only you. I always defend the people I care about even if you were judgemental about them or if you criticized someone. But if you said "stop defending them", I'd say that I wasn't cause I couldn't give you the power of being right. This also threw us apart little by little. This act of saying what it was I had to say so that you wouldn't be angry or more judgemental. I avoid these conversations at all costs, a few months ago I prohibited you from talking about my family ever again.

I hope one day we can feel that power that we created together again. I have hope, even if it looks like the walls are crumbling and the milk is curdling. I still have hope.


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